Just hours after receiving a positive probation progress report in a Los
Angeles courtroom in August, a high spirited Chris Brown gave
Billboard
his first formal interview since leaving jail in June. Less than two
weeks later, Chris was at the center of a new scandal -- hip-hop mogul
Suge Knight and two others were shot at his VMA pre-party on Aug. 24.
In the midst of unsubstantiated reports and endless speculation, here
are excerpts from the R&B singer's interview. In it, Brown discusses
life behind bars, his growth as a person and whether society is ready
to let him be considered a role model. On Sept. 4, Chris reached out to
Billboard with this exclusive statement about trying to move past his
troubles -- even as they nip at his heels.
"I realize that what I do for a living opens my life to public scrutiny
and that I have a responsibility to everyone because of that exposure. I
can say that I am only human and I have made mistakes. I can say that I
try to live my life in the most true, honest way that I can. I am not perfect, no one is. No one is harder on
me than me. No one can please everyone. No one can live in the past and
expect to grow. I have been moving forward and hope that I am not
defined by just a few moments in my life but all of the moments that
will make up my life."
- Did you spend time writing while you were in jail?
No. You know, jail isn’t a place of many creative spirits. But as far as
my creativity, I put it on hold until I got out. Jail is more of a
regimen and a structure. I’m more of a free spirit when it comes to
creating music, painting and art. So when I got out, I was very excited
to get into the studio. I didn’t have any ideas or concepts; they
usually come as I go [in to record]. I was drawing and sketching most of
the time, biding time.
- What was the daily routine like?
A guard wakes you up; you eat. You stay in your cell most of the time,
basically 24 hours a day. Maybe on Mondays you go to the roof inside of a
cage and have a phone call. It’s isolation. You have time to focus on
what matters, on what to do and what not to do.
- What lessons did you learn from the experience?
My maturity level has risen as far as my realizing what’s important.
Realizing that I’m human like everyone else. At the end of the day, it’s
just a humbling experience. You’re more appreciative of everything else
that’s on the outside. A burger tastes 1,000 times better when you’re
out (Laughs.) I’m just more appreciative of the things I’m blessed with
and the things I do: music, being able to take care of my family, being
able to see my friends and family. And do what I love and still be able
to do it in a timely fashion to where people don’t think, “Oh well, he
fell off.” Still being able to be consistent.
- What did you miss the most?
I just missed my family. At the end of the day, music is definitely a
passion. But when you’re dealing with your own personal issues, family
is first. I just dealt with that. I missed my dad and mom, all my
cousins ... seeing people’s faces and smiles ... seeing people who were
just encouraging and positive.
- How did you keep yourself motivated?
[I had to feel] like this happened for a reason. There was a purpose.
Maybe I was out of control too much. Or I needed something to humble me
to the point where I get it. At that point, I didn’t look at it as
trying to get out of the situation but learn from it.
- How have you been able to maintain such a loyal fan base?
First, I’d say God. Honestly. My faith in knowing what my purpose is and
how I’m trying to find out what my purpose is. My fan base speaks
volumes [to that]. I never want to say that I know everything or I know
what the best song or a hit is. I just put it out there for people to
like and love. I make music for myself personally, but I also try to do
music that people can relate to, have fun with; evoke as much emotion as
possible from my audience and peers. It’s God and just consistency with
my talent. Being able to persevere if I get knocked down and always get
back up. A lot of times, you can get convoluted and confused with all
the mayhem and hoopla that’s going on. I just try to stay grounded; keep
my family first. And always focus on what my purpose is: putting out
great music. I don’t really focus on any extras or stories in the
tabloids. It’s nonsense.
- You’ve moved forward, and Rihanna says she also has moved
-forward. Do you see a day when your relationship won’t be brought up at
all?
When we’re not relevant anymore, that might be the case. As long as
you’re doing something good, people will always bring up old stuff or
negative stuff because they don’t want you to surpass a certain level or
elevate. But as long as you have your head on straight, it shouldn’t
matter what people want to say.
- Explain what it’s like to live in the public eye.
I just have to realize it comes with the territory in this day and age
of social media. My age group and younger stay on the phone and
Internet. It’s easy access. So I just like to focus on what I’m doing
instead of getting caught up. Everybody gets caught up watching
Instagram or whatever; they have jokes and all kinds of things. I can
still engage in it but not participate in the negative side. Not
everyone in the world is going to particularly love me. But I’m cool
with that. As long as I love myself and my music, I’m fine. People are
going to say what they want to say. I don’t look over my shoulder or
wish I could turn back the hands of time. Life is a learning experience,
so I’m learning as I go. I’m not walking around angry about anything.
So you just have to let it be.
- Do you consider yourself a role model?
As far as my mistakes in life, that’s being a role model, because people
can see my mistakes and learn from them. I’ve gone through more stuff
than most 35- or 40-year-olds, and I’ve dealt with it. As far as
becoming a man in the public eye, continuing to persevere and stay
positive throughout trials and tribulations … that’s the only thing I’d
say contributes to my being a role model. If kids look up to me, that’s
amazing; great. As far as me as an artist and a person, I always want to
exude positivity. But as far as saying, “Hey, I’m a role model, I’m the
best of this,” I take the humble approach and let people make that
decision for themselves.
- How would you define redemption?
Being able to learn from mistakes and inspiring people to learn from
yours. Redemption is being able to be completely humble and love
yourself. Know that you’re human and understand that life has its ups
and downs, but God always balances it out.
- If you couldn’t make music or dance, what would you do instead?
I would be somewhere in the industry, but not necessarily around music.
It would be more like fashion design, or I’d probably be a painter or
street artist. I’m eclectic, with different styles of creativity. But
painting is one of my biggest passions. I just started getting back into
it since I’ve been so focused on music. It’s not like, “OK, I’ve got to
do an art show so people buy my paintings.”
- Do you feel positive about the outcome of the Washington, D.C., assault hearing?
I just feel positive about life in general. Whatever happens will
happen, and God has me. I’m going to keep my faith and be focused on my
family, friends, fans and music. And from there just be the best Chris
Brown I can be.
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