14 Underwear Problems Every Woman Understands

1. When Boy Shorts Ride Up: A Tragedy. The whole point of boy shorts is that they should offer more coverage, but usually they just cover more of the side of your thigh than they do your actual butt. So when they ride up, the thigh part stays in place, but the butt part still rides up as much as any other pair of underwear would. What is the freaking point of that?! 

2. When you have to change your whole outfit because the right underwear for it is in the laundry you still haven’t done yet. Nope, I can’t wear a skirt today because if the wind blows even the littlest bit toward my butt, my dress will cling to it and I will have the most obvious VPL in the world, which sucks because I love this underwear. Why is everything so complicated?! 

3. Trying to plan your underwear for a trip and just being like, “Screw it, I’ll bring them all.” *Packs 23 pairs of underwear because you can’t have too many, except yes, you can.* 

4. When your favorite kind gets discontinued so you have to hold onto the old ones for dear life. May every single thread fall to the floor in tatters; I will hold on to you forever, Gap Body high-waisted boy shorts. 

5. WEDGIES. Why do we still live in a world where this is a daily reality with almost every pair of underwear I own? How has NASA not been like, “Look, most women spend the majority of their days pulling down even the fullest-of-full-butt underwear when they could be spending that time overthrowing patriarchy. How can we help develop a better way?” It just seems like good business sense to me. 

6. The dark day when underwear you love becomes period underwear. I specifically have an app on my phone for this very reason and yet the app failed me and now one of my favorite pairs of underwear looks like a prop from Psycho. Great. 

7. When you have a pair of underwear that politely requests you hand-wash them only. I DO NOT WANT TO HAND-WASH ANYTHING, YOU DELICATE FUCK. And let me guess, you also want me to buy a drying rack for your precious little self? Haha, no. 

8. When you do hand-wash and they never really get clean. There’s still some weird stain or they don’t smell like they’ve been truly washed, so then you end up washing them over and over again until they do, or you just give up and throw them in the washer, which will kill them on impact. 

9. When the elastic has given up entirely. And then it just kind of puddles around your waist and hips, looking defeated and sad. And eventually you get that look too because it looks super awful. 

10. Wanting your bra to match your underwear, but then that means you have to have underwear that are all the same color as that bra. And let’s be honest, you’re never going to match those up when you have to be out the door in five minutes. You’re going to grab whatever. You just are. 

11. When you get a small hole in them and it’s basically over. You know what that hole means. It’s like that scene in a movie where the soldier says his wife is pregnant and you’re like, “Oh, you going to die soon.” Same with a small hole in your underwear. They’re about to die. And you know it. 

12. When you don’t have any clean underwear and have to decide between staying up late to wash it or being the person who just buys new underwear because all of hers are dirty.A dilemma every time. 

13. When you try to sexily take off your underwear in front of a guy and notice, Oh, cool, I have a discharge situation in there. It’s totally normal but feels not that great. 

14. All pairs of underwear are either $15 or $15 billion. Why?! It is easily the smallest piece of fabric that covers one of the smallest parts of me. Socks aren’t priced like this and they’re about the same amount of fabric. Who is running the underwear empire and keeping us all under their iron fist? We must revolt, good nation, we must revolt!!!!